You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
