Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
