I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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