Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
