I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
