We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
