dude i'm inner monologue high
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
