dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
