One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
