woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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