I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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