I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
