Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
