how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
