More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
