i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
