Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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