Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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