i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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