I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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