hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
