OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
