i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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