Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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