I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize