that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
