awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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