We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
