she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
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he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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