do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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