My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
