At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
