She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
