I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
