It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Be still, my beating vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
