there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even my vagina gasped.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
