get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
