hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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