Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
