So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
