Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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