so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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