So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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