Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
