Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
