It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
