I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
