If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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