Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
