just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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