It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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