I can text with my tongue
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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