You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This house was built for laser tag.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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