i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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