I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
