Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
