I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
