Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
