Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
